When You Realise

The Grudge Still Exists

How do you take to your exes who cheated on you?

For me, not very fondly at all
What do you expect me to do,
Send them a birthday card every year?
‘Hey Happy Birthday and thanks for cheating on me with two other girls’

Adam happened to have bumped into that particular ex of mine

Him and me happened three years ago when i was nineteen and naive
It ended very abruptly when i got enlightened by someone else that he was also seeing two other girls in different postcode areas
So i didn’t call anymore
And neither did he

Nice.

So there Adam and i were in the car today
Trying to clarify whether or not this was the same person we were referring to

“He’s skinny.”
“Yea he’s definitely skinny, like me.”
“He’s got huge eyes. Like a cartoon.”
“Yea yea that’s what i remember when i saw him, skinny with big eyes.”
“Hmmm… i don’t care whether it’s the same person or not. It was so long ago.”
“Well i think it must be, how many —–s can there be who dj in kl.”  He pressed on
“… true.”  I nodded my head slowly
“Was he having cancer already when you were going out with him?”
“WhaT?”  I wondered whether i heard right
“Wait. I think he got cancer *after* you went out with him cos it was last year.”  Adam said thoughtfully
“Perhaps its all the karma hitting back on him.”  I replied calmly
“Baby!!”  He slapped my thigh in the midst of driving in shock
“What?”  I rubbed my thigh in indignance, feeling just slightly bad
“It’s cancer we’re talking about!”
“Yea i know… but it makes no difference to me.”

Which is true.
I really liked the guy at that time.
I really really did.

The first time he called, i wondered why
The first time we went out, i remember he liked the material of the Dockers skirt i wore
The first time we kissed, i was so smitten i walked into my own gate after getting down from the car
The first time i went over to his house, i let him make love to me
The first time EeVon told me over the phone about what she knew, i physically stiffened and stoned before bursting into tears outside college

But that was three years ago

Apparently he got cancer
I seem unperturbed
And Adam probably thinks i’m evil

My reasoning is that
Whatever happens to me now will have no impact on him whatsoever
And likewise