Archive for January, 2006

Tuesday January 31, 2006

Joyce And Her Plot

I woke up this morning feeling even more restless then usual
With no obligatory family functions to attend and no friends’ open houses to go to that didn’t revolve around gambling (what are the possibilities?!)

I had no plot.

Not having a purpose to the day makes me feel…. shitty.

I hate not having anything to do so i opened my big fat fairy mouth and offered to cook AdamPoserPan dinner.

Yes close your mouths please.

“Guess what!”
“What.”
“I’ll cook dinner for you tonight!”
“… erm… what are you cooking?”
“What? You don’t trust me?”
“What are you cooking?” he repeated.
-_- “I’ll cook western okAY. Not like you eat anything else!”
“Okay… what ARE you cooking?” he asked for the third time.

Ugh, men.
Cook also cannot be grateful.

Imagined myself standing over, whacking him with a baking spoon going, “Shut the fuck up and eat la tiu!”

Hmm. I just reread that and it sounds… wrong.

>_<

I lazed around the apartment for most of the afternoon, then promptly changed and pottered off to Cold Storage @ The Curve to purchase ingredients i needed for said mission.

I felt damn Desperate-Housewive-ish strutting around the super in my beige-gold heels (c’mon la, they were the only shoes i had at the apartment) gathering things like
chicken cutlets,
cream,
grated cheese
(ok fine i’m too lazy to grate cheese today),
onions,
green peppers,
yada yada yada

Oh and of course, a nice bottle of red for moi

The nostalgia of playing masak-masak hit me
Only difference is, you actually have to eat what is cooked (instead of the leaves and flowers i faked with last time :p )

Went to MaryBerry’s open house
FoxyLisa Gobi HonSeng GBK Rita QueenKanch Tarry Kevin were there
They gambled while FoxyLisa and i just stuffed our bellies with KFC, cookies, noodles and beer
Gluing ourselves to the idiot box watching reruns of Sex&AndTheCity

Then i came back to rest a bit and…

Found myself cleaning up the room cos i cannot tahan anymore.

Tidying up his endless rubbish, receipts, candy wrappers, tin cans, empty boxes, spilt gel, and DAMN ALOT OF SHIT la okay
The same line – UrGH! I hate you! – kept on repeating in my mind as i came across disgusting spills and not-so-fancy-thrills

I wish JohnsonTeoh lived with us so that everything will be
Neat and tidy
Spic and span

Even just now while i ate CNY cookies, he’d pass me a tissue to eat over it hee hee
How anal and unlike Smellie

Mmmf…
I have another half hour to kill before i start whipping up my fairy goodness
Gonna go watch Project Runway  first, almost done with Season 1

Monday January 30, 2006

EUCH!!!

Okay.
Who the FUCK poured whiskey into the champagne bottle at Adam’s surprise party!?

I was all happy thinking there’s leftover champagne (i should have known it’s too good to be true)
And didn’t feel like drinking it till now
So i chugged it down and gasped

Cos it was whiskey

You sick people!!!

Cheating poor me like that!!!

So i kept it back in the fridge
(what? pour away perfectly good whiskey?)
And poured myself a glass of wine instead

Baby, if you’re reading this,
We’re out of wine
I repeat
We’re out of wine
Hmm wait
I guess i should say
I’m out of wine

But me with no wine is whiney
Then you suffer too
So we are out of wine
*hint hint*


There was a nice array of us gambling
(I hate gambling btw, i always lose. Always.)
My twin cousins, my brother, my tiny kid cousins, and my uncles and aunt – all bankers

My cousin ConnivingMichelle was the youngest gambling along
She’s seven years old
She uses a calculator

Most of the kiddies were gambling 50 cents to a dollar
She gambles three bucks

Eh. When i was seven i gambled 20 cents okay.
Damn chickenshit wan.

So i told her dad
“Haha now it’s three bucks when everyone is at 50 cents, wait till when she’s older and she buys a three hundred dollar dress cos fifty bucks?, ahhh that’s nothing!”
“WHAT!!!”     
Me:


I got a tad more ang pow this year (because i seriously usually get damn little every year compared to EVERYONE around me)
And of course, Smellie had to break my bubble telling me how much he got when he didn’t even go visiting -_-
He’s not even really Chinese fucking hell!
I’m more chinese oi!
Where’s the fairness in that?!!?

*looks up to heavens at chinese gods*

Saturday January 28, 2006

Exactly a year ago, AdlinRosli tried to convince Joyce to wear GongXiFaCai red clothes to an event
*click*

Damn Chat Hot

Why must it always be so friggin hot during Chinese New Year?
In some ways, i’m damn chinese to stick to traditions that my family has been carrying out since ever

AdamPoserPan was blowing smoke at my hair just before dinner
“Don’t blow smoke at my hair!… Not supposed to wash it tomorrow… First day of new year.”
But hmm seeing how *he* is, if being grubby brings good luck
Then he should have extreme fortune all year long!

I can’t believe i’m blogging on CNY eve.
Damn sad man.

Oh and you know what’s lagi sad?
My cough has been irritating me all day so i went hunting for my cough mixture in the fridge
And Mommy must have thrown it out!
It’s GONE!

GONE.

My lovely pei cough mixture

ARGH.

I’m staying at home tonight cos (obviously) it’s CNY eve and i’ll get a ragging from my parents if i stay at Smellie’s.

You know you don’t stay at home enough when you flip the wrong switch for the fan in the living room
0_o


My unchinese side yesterday:

I went for dinner with KinkyPugKevin in KLCC before Bliss and TAG
We were at Little Penang and i was ordering iced coffee from the waiter
“Can i have a kopi-o peng please?”
“With milk? Or without milk?”
“Without milk without milk! So i want a kopi-o yeah. Iced. No peng.”

Kevin stared cock at me.
I thought he was just being stupid so i ignored him.

“Joyce. Peng is ice. So kopi-o peng IS iced kopi-o.”

S H A M E L E S S.

I turned my head from the waiter and stared out the glass window in shame, restraining myself from banging my forehead on it for idiocy.


Yesterday, Mommy was nagging me to keep away the Christmas deco
Last Christmas, Daddy and i were damn lazy to put up the Christmas tree
So i hung the xmas deco on the pussywillow in the house
Super western deco on the super chinese plant

I thought it was pretty clever
No fuss with the tree
AND embrace our chinese heritage at the same time!

Unfortunately, Mommy thought it ridiculous
And she hung up ang pow packets on it now for Chinese New Year

White people like my Uncle Mark and Adam are horrified by all the weird parts the rest of my family devour
But i love this shit
*smacks lips*

Saturday January 28, 2006

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

I woke up this morning… on the sofa
0_o

I didn’t really help Mommy cook anything in the end
She asked me to clean my room instead :p

Daddy to NickIsTaller: “We have to close her room door so the bad chi doesn’t flow into the rest of the house.”

So i tidied up gila
And found a super random thing
It’s FaiTheMai’s thumbprint in candlewax
-_-

Wtf am i supposed to do with it la…
Maybe i’ll give it to KinkyPugKevin so he’ll have something to keep Fai close to his heart with

Thursday January 26, 2006

It’s His Party & He’ll

Game If He Wants To -_-

 

Finally.
The VERY BELATED post on AdamPoserPan’s 21st Surprise Party.
He’s been bugging me about it like a pest.

“Where’s my birthday pics?!”
“Not yet la… damn alot okay…”
“Birthday pics! Birthday pics!”
“FARK, wait kenonot!!!”

Friday, 6th of January

T’was a mad rush day at work
BracesAaron was gracious to drive KinkyPugKevin and i around
Running errands like
Filling up 25 balloons with helium at BSC (RM2 per balloon)
And buy heaps of things from ColdStorage:
Usual party things like garbage bags, plates, forks, spoons, junk food etc

Two guys, one girl and a Kelisa is alright.

Two guys, one girl and TWENTY FIVE HELIUM BALLOONS *stuffed* in a Kelisa…

Is just not right.

It only made sense that i sat in the back since i’m the smallest to squeeze in between all the balloons
-_-

So imagine this, little Kelisa stuck in traffic jam.
KinkyPugKevin pushing away balloons that were leaking to the front of the car
So that they wouldn’t obstruct BracesAaron while he was driving.
JoyceTheFairy squashed against the window with many many balloons taking up all possible space at the back of the car

And in that awful moment, it was then that she spied

A MALIBU BOTTLE!

It was like magic
In a time of distress and need, a Malibu bottle was peeking out from the back pocket of the seat in front of her!
It was like Popeye spotting spinach when he’s under Bruno grasp
It was like a magical sign that sung out
“Joyce! It’s for you! Drink ittttt!!!!”

“Eh. Whose Malibu is this?” i gasped in between the balloons
“Oh mine, i’m bringing it for the party,” answered BracesAaron
“Ooh… so since… *i* organised the party… therefore i *am* the party… so i can drink it right?”
“I guess so.”

GREEN LIGHT!

My eyes sparkled as I reached my hand out.
Further… just. a. bit. further…
And i got it.

So there i was.

Little me squashed against the window with lots of blue balloons in the car in the middle of a traffic jam sipping Malibu from the bottle.

*sniff sniff*
Pugs have great smelling abilities
“Is that… Malibu i smell?!”
“…*glug*glug*…. hmm?”
“IT IS! I OSOWANNNNN!!!!!”
“Cannot. Malibu is for fairies.”

Just like Trix are for kids

I don’t know whether it was the traffic jam
Or the fact we were all hungry and tired
Or the helium was leaking out into the car

But we all started losing it:
Screaming and arguing and laughing and fighting

We made two trips to the apartment cos we had to drop the balloons off first
Before buying KFC and Ayamas and ice and bring the Coleman, oh and the decorations too
Damn alot of stuff wei

We were delirious with hunger by the time we reached the apartment ready to set up
Lovely Ruzy and Effie came early to help as well

It was to be a Superman theme so everyone was *supposed* to dress in superman colours
(cos Adam loves superman  and thinks he’s superman/Brandon Routh *gag*)

I covered the sofa with blue cloth
Hung yellow stars from the lights
Adam’s happy friends helped me clean up apartment… they weren’t so happy after that

BracesAaron spoke up
“Joyce. I think we had a misunderstanding… when i said i’d *help*, i thought, you know, i’d help come over, blow a few balloons, bring some chicken… We didn’t mention driving around, transporting 25 balloons, and cleaning up his apartment..!

Well i will never forget your help Aaron ;)

He fished out some Pringles from under the sofa
“OH MY GOD! This was here since the last time i came here last year! I know because *i* opened it!”

A chorus of ‘ew’ and ‘gross’ floated all around

Everyone started coming after that before the show ended at 11:45 pm
Now the plan was really simple:
TL and Joe were my accomplices and they were to stall Adam so that the rest of the 8tv crew could get back here and *then* when everyone was in, they’d lure him back to *ugh* game.

It was a bit hard to keep 30 boisterous alco-filled people in one room quiet, but we managed it.
I looked through the peep-hole to see when they’d arrive so i could madly wave everyone to be more quiet.
Unfortunately, my feet got tired of tip-toeing at the door (peep-hole too high for fairies :p )
So (taller) Effie took over

At one point, Amanda told me
“Hey, he was wearing this shirt to work today that says ‘I Have No Idea’… do you think he was being ironic?”
Then i started freaking out that he’d guessed about the party

At one point, MareDiva was looking for the wine opener
“Joyce, have you seen it?”

So i tipsily ran around trying to look for it when i was rushing to do something else as well
I spotted it on the kitchen counter and snatched it up triumphantly
“AHA! Here you go!”

MareDiva and KinkyPugKevin stared at the contraption in her hand stonily
Kev broke the silence,

“Joyce. It’s… a tin opener.

I stared at it blurly.

“BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!”

Damn fail hee hee.

So there.
All the many many pictures and everyone can stop bitching!!!

The day after:
*click*

KinkyPugKevin’s post:
*click*

BubblyBelindaC’s post:
*click*


Exactly a year ago, i yelled at my parents because of CNY cleaning
*click*


Yayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

I went to buy my new camera yesterday!!!
Upon coming out of the shop, AdamPoserPan gentlemanly carried the huge plastic bag

“Be careful!… Don’t trip… Look out for that hole!… Don’t walk near the drain!!!…. Walk here, naH!”   i squealed, for fear he might drop my new baby.

He just had a straight layan face and continued walking while i yanked him around like a ragdoll.

In the end i took the box from him and hugged it happily all the way to the car
Little girl carrying a big box ha ha ha
*happiness*

“Hiiiii.. hello, you’re my new baby…!” i crooned to it 
He stared at us in amusement
“Hey do you want to…”
“SHH. I’m talking to my new baby. No talking to me now.”

And then
I had to get a freaking eye infection so now i can’t even play with my new baby
Far. King. Hell.

Thursday January 26, 2006

It’s His Party & He’ll

Game If He Wants To -_-

 

Finally.
The VERY BELATED post on AdamPoserPan’s 21st Surprise Party.
He’s been bugging me about it like a pest.

“Where’s my birthday pics?!”
“Not yet la… damn alot okay…”
“Birthday pics! Birthday pics!”
“FARK, wait kenonot!!!”

Friday, 6th of January

It was a mad rush day at work
BracesAaron was gracious to drive KinkyPugKevin and i around
Running errands like
Filling up 25 helium balloons with helium at BSC (RM2 per balloon)
And buy heaps of things from ColdStorage:
Usual party things like garbage bags, plates, forks, spoons

Two guys, one girl and a Kelisa is alright.

Two guys, one girl, TWENTY FIVE HELIUM BALLOONS *stuffed* in a Kelisa… is just not right.

It only made sense that i sat in the back since i’m the smallest to squeeze in between all the balloons
-_-

So imagine this, little Kelisa stuck in traffic jam.
KinkyPugKevin pushing away balloons that were leaking to the front of the car
So that they wouldn’t obstruct BracesAaron while he was driving.
JoyceTheFairy squashed against the window with many many balloons taking up all possible space at the back of the car

And in that awful moment, it was then that she spied

A MALIBU BOTTLE!

It was like magic
In a time of distress and need, a Malibu bottle was peeking out from the back pocket of the seat in front of her!
It was like Popeye spotting spinach when he’s under Bruno grasp
It was like a magical sign that sung out
“Joyce! It’s for you! Drink ittttt!!!!”

“Eh. Whose Malibu is this?” i gasped in between the balloons
“Oh mine, i’m bringing it for the party,” answered BracesAaron
“Ooh… so since… *i* organised the party… therefore i *am* the party… so i can drink it right?”
“I guess so.”

GREEN LIGHT!

I reached my hand out.
Further… just. a. bit. further…
And i got it.

So there i was.

Little me squashed against the window with lots of blue balloons in the car in the middle of a traffic jam.

*sniff sniff* Pugs have great smelling abilities
“Is that… Malibu i smell?!”
“…*glug*glug*…. hmm?”
“IT IS! I OSOWANNNNN!!!!!”
“Cannot. Malibu is for fairies.”

Just like Trix are for kids

I don’t know whether it was the traffic jam
Or the fact we were all hungry and tired
Or the helium was leaking out into the car

But we all started losing it:
Screaming and arguing and laughing and fighting

We made two trips to the apartment cos we had to drop the balloons off first
Before buying KFC and Ayamas and ice and bring the Coleman, oh and the decorations too
Damn alot of stuff wei

We were delirious with hunger by the time we reached the apartment ready to set up
Lovely Ruzy and Effie came early to help as well

It was to be a Superman theme so everyone was *supposed* to dress in superman colours
(cos Adam loves superman and thinks he’s superman/Brandon Routh *gag*)

I covered the sofa with blue cloth
Hung yellow stars from the lights
Adam’s happy friends helped me clean up apartment… they weren’t so happy after that

BracesAaron spoke up
“Joyce. I think we had a misunderstanding… when i said i’d *help*, i thought, you know, i’d help come over, blow a few balloons, bring some chicken… We didn’t mention driving around, transporting 25 balloons, and cleaning up his apartment…”

Well i will never forget your help Aaron ;)

He fished out some Pringles from under the sofa
“OH MY GOD! This was here since the last time i came here last year! I know because *i* opened it!”
A chorus of ‘ew’ and ‘gross’ floated all around

At one point, MareDiva was looking for the wine opener
“Joyce, have you seen it?”

So i tipsily ran around trying to look for it when i was rushing to do something else as well
I spotted it on the kitchen counter and snatched it up triumphantly
“AHA! Here you go!”

MareDiva and KinkyPugKevin stared at the contraption in her hand stonily
Kev broke the silence, “Joyce. It’s… a tin opener.”
I stared at it blurly.

“BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!”

Damn fail hee hee.