I went out tonight not expecting to blog about anything else than something joyful after, as i usually do. But tonight, i will veer from my usual direction cos i just can’t help it.
I went out drinking in the evening (an unplanned event) and at the end of the night, i found myself talking to one of my closest girlfriends about something that i didn’t foresee us bringing up.
I just had to throw those words out there before you read anymore.
From happy inconspicuous things, we tiba-tiba shifted topic to fathers. Then suddenly she started sobbing about her dad… and i felt at a loss. I never guessed she felt this way about her father’s death because she merely never showed it to us.
She admitted to how her father’s death affected her. How the man she felt would show her the way through life suddenly disappeared. And i was hit at how much she’s being going through without us noticing. I know of another girlfriend’s father passing away recently… and it made me appreciate my father with me alive right here right now a lot more. But this, intimate revelation of emotions… completely threw me off guard.
The closest i’ve ever come to this tragedy is imagining what my friends are going through. What they must be without their father. What *i* would feel if *my* father died. And a little part of me died temporarily inside too. And at that time, i was just imagining! What if it was really happening?! What would i do?! What would i be?! What would happen of me?!
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. The pain in me is just a pittance of what my friends are feeling.
So the only thing i could do was cry. I cried and cried with my friend. I cried for her pain. I cried for her loss. I cried cos i was so sad so fucking sad for her. And nothing we could do or cry for could ever bring him back. And she felt sorry. She felt sorry that she’d made me cry that night. But i said, “Please. This is nothing. You only make the rest of us who still have our father realize how lucky we are.”
And we are.
So don’t forget to appreciate your fathers.
You never know when the Universe might suddenly decide to take them back. And it will hurt us, all of us daughters, so much.