Jet lag, work, stress about work.
I haven’t been sleeping well the past week.

I’ve also been bouncing around with emotions on an extreme plane.
I’m either
very happy
very upset
very frustrated
very angry
very loved up

All the above emotions rotate throughout the whole day, every day for the past week.

I could probably roll it into ONE definition called = ‘very crazy’.

I just suddenly felt like i wasn’t doing things right,
or maybe i’m making the wrong choices,
or shit, why am i feeling like this, maybe my period is coming?
I really had NO idea and just…. felt CRAP.

Needing some spiritual guidance, i felt compelled to whatsapp DB who enlightened me on why i was feeling blah. The reason i’m writing down her advice here is cos surely there must be other people out there who sometimes feel a bit lost like i do too? I mean, i’d like to portray myself as strong all the time and a super fairy, but i’ve come to terms that i’m HUMAN and not perfect. I never thought of myself as a perfectionist (cos i never was!!) till i got pissed at myself when i cooked something one day and didn’t get it 100% right. Clem said: “Baby, you can’t expect a dish to come out perfect the first time you try it.” And i found myself thinking RIGHT after he said it: “I DO, YES I DO. Cos it usually happens and i want it to happen ALL the time.”

Sound like a psycho right. Anyway back to advice that made me direct my energy to being more… positive.

DB said that i have all this energy and if i don’t direct it to do something creative and physical like dancing or painting, then the energy becomes destructive. (place long pause in between writing here) Ok i just reread her messages and think i can’t even relay the message properly without misconstruing it, so i’m just gonna share some snatches of what she wrote to me here, word for word:

“You can even call me in your dream state 😉 i’m only half kidding, you’ll be surprised how much work gets done when you’re sleeping. So priority is getting you some good sleep love.”
“Don’t define the energy as good or bad or this specific illness, or that habit, or a terrible painting… that same energy is used to do everything so channel or move it from the mental into the physical. Dance more, paint more, move your body, it will give you the information you need and work out the kinks and toxins, as well as help with unlocking memories. It’s not tragic, it’s what author Joseph Campbell calls The Hero’s Journey. It’s what Star Wars was based on and many other movies. It’s the story of our lives, our purpose. We are the heroes we’ve been waiting for.”
“… old memories or anything that we perceive as dark/negative energy that is blocking us will come up now so that we have the opportunity to see it in a new light and give it forth (forgive)”

It’s kinda funny that she brought up the thing about old memories, cos i’ve recently being remembering really OLD memories that i’ve buried deep inside my mind cos they are things that i’m ashamed of and never wanted to remember again. They usually pop up at night before i fall asleep… but i don’t get overtly bothered by it. I do tell myself to let go and forgive myself. So it’s quite strange she confirmed it to me.

Anyway i don’t even know how to end this post now cos i have nothing else to say without revealing too much. Think i revealed enough today. So – The End.

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