I spent Friday night in alone cos i only managed to eat dinner i made at 10pm, and by the time i’d slowly finished chewing (which is tiring when you’re exhausted!) i decided not to go out for a group celebration and stayed in instead. My body and mind were fighting each other. My body said no, my mind felt guilty. In the end i pushed the guilt away and decided to put myself first.
The reason i’m always out is because i have a problem saying “No” to people. I’m such a people pleaser sometimes. I just want everyone to be happy! But i really needed some time for myself to just THINK and be QUIET and do things at HOME.
I ended up doing so many things! I allowed myself to just flow from whatever i felt like to the next.
That night’s dinner dishes in the sink caught my eye and i sighed, “Might as well get to it now before i’m too tired to do it.” So i did the dishes. Then i folded the laundry that had dried. And while i was keeping the folded clothes in the bedroom, i caught sight of my half past six job of colour coordinating my wardrobe, and decided to continue it.
The folded stuff are tops, shorts and leggings that don’t wrinkle. Next to this wardrobe is another one with all my hanging stuff in black, blue, green, yellow, and brown.
I took almost 3 hours to sort a quarter of my wardrobe out. 2 more sessions to go.
Then i organised my lingerie drawer, and picked out all these bras that don’t fit me anymore to send for the Neubodi event.
I’m just gonna copy paste what was in the email i got here cos i’m too lazy to word it out for you:
“This charity campaign titled “OLD BRAS FOR CASH” is a charity bra drive, where we will be collecting gently laundered bras/used bras, which will then be donated to the women in Kathmandu, Nepal. Second hand bras are considered very much a luxury item in Nepal, and with these second hand bras, it can help them to start up a business in the second hand clothing market, which allows them to earn up to 5x of their minimum wage.
We will be officially working with UPLIFTBRAS.ORG, and for every purchase made at a Neubodi specialty store, RM1 will be donated to BCWA, Breast Cancer Welfare Association.”
I mean, that’s pretty cool right? And i always felt terrible about throwing out bras. They’re such expensive items and it’s not like you wear them till they die. Some of the ones that didn’t fit anymore (cos i lost a fair bit of weight after my allergy fiasco) are still fairly decent.
When i was done it was 2am and i figured it was time to reward my efforts with a glass of cab sav. I’d have preferred a Malbec but i can’t find any in the house. (Have to buy some. < Mental note!!) I ended up thinking about all i’d gone thru that week – rushing a presentation for a government funding opportunity, the shop KinkyBlueFairy is gonna open at Seek & Keep @ BSC this coming weekend, the work for other projects i still hadn’t completed, small ideas i have here and there that i needed to get on. Through all that pondering, a very clear idea on how i needed to shift things around came to me.
Feeling better that i had settled THAT in my head, i ended up writing for myself, then shifted to writing in a sketchbook. Just thoughts that came to my mind. Drawings. Rhymes. I picked up my Alice in Wonderland book and started reading random pages. A ridiculous realisation came to me and i laughed out loud in disbelief. I mean, seriously, my MIND! I miss spending more time with myself!
I managed to Facetime with Rudy for awhile and caught up about what was going thru his head, and mine. We talked about how energy affects the healing of the body, and centrifugal energy. He told me about a new invention he’s coming up with and i told him about how i colour-coordinated my wardrobe. I felt a bit like a bimbo but accepted that that WAS what i was excited about and so be it.
I chased him off the phone to continue mucking about the house before deciding to go to bed. I went to bed at 5AM..!!! I slept later than i usually do when i go out -_-
Had to get up at 10am the next morning (ok supposed to be 8:30am but obviously tak jadi) to meet Big Ben for a big catch up. He was sending his car for service and i picked him up for a late breakfast. We went to a nearby Chinese coffee shop where i had sar hor fun with lots of taugeh, that made me think of Baby cos she loves the Ipoh taugeh (a bit too scarily).
I kept on stretching my arms in the air and at one point in the middle of our conversation, i stretched them out as if to hug as much as i could and yelled out, “I LOVE THE WORLD!”
Ben’s jaw dropped slightly as he stared at me, “You’ve lost it.” I’m used to him saying that tho. He’s been calling me crazy since we first met over 10 years ago. PassedOutBen. Hahaha.
After two and a half hours of talking, i dropped him back at the mechanic and went to see my mum. She told me about her trip to Penang, showed me pictures, and told me a fascinating story about a Dr. Ooi in Bayan Lepas who gives massages to heal people for free, and the wood carvings he’s capable of. During another of her stories, it happened a couple of times when i knew what she was going to say before she said it. It was weird and i surprised myself. An example was like, she was gonna tell me someone’s age, and she’d go, “He was…” And before she said it, my brain went, “21.” And then my mum would end her sentence, “… 21.”
We ended up talking for hours too, and by the time we were done i was keeled over on the dining table from lack of sleep the night before. She went to church and i went home. Well, i dropped by Deep’s house first to feed Bowie a snack of Australian preservative-free dog food i got him.
Had a disco nap, and took away dinner from BMS Organics for S and i. I’m just gonna call her S cos i’m not sure she wants other people to know the stuff we do. I went over to her’s for dinner; and we talked about what had been going on, business ideas, listened to Matt Muckleroy, and watched Anna Akana. I told her about how i suddenly started knowing what other people would say before they said it, and she said that my channels were starting to open up. Ooh! Exciting and scary.
In the middle of our chat, she said she felt pain so i offered to meditate over her. Erm, it’s not like i do this very often. It’s only the second time i’ve ever done this to anyone else than myself, and the first was also because someone said they felt some pain so i tried it.
She was like, “Okay, so how do we do this?”
And i was like, “Just sit there, i’ll come over.”
So i moved over on the couch and tried to sit in an even position.
S: “Wait, so what do i do? What do i do?” She kept on fidgeting.
“Just shut up!” i laughed. “Just sit there, stop it.”
She laughed too, stopped, and we both closed our eyes.
I tried to think of nothing, thanked the Divine for making me a channel, then imagined love and concentrated on a yellow ball forming in my upturned palms. It was a bit harder than usual, maybe cos i was nervous about doing it to S as I feel she’s so much more experienced in this than me. Finally i felt it coming, then i envisioned and motioned pushing the ball into her.
When i was done, i opened my eyes and looked at her. She didn’t know i was done and still had her eyes closed. I poked her knee, she opened her eyes and i grinned at her.
“That was interesting,” she said.
“I saw sparkles, like a bunch of them, in front of me.”
“What colour were they?” I asked, hoping she’d say yellow.
“Rainbow. Like lots of rainbow sparkles.”
“Really?” I was fascinated and pleased at the same time.
I can conjure rainbow sparkles.
Maybe i’m more of a fairy than i thought after all.