Oh man, it’s not like i want this blog to die, but there’s JUST SO MUCH going on
and i honestly don’t know how much i want or can put out here in public.
Work stuff, personal stuff, spiritual stuff, every day stuff.
I just feel that… i can’t just SAY everything that actually goes on in my life cos
1) people will think i’m mad
2) i’m not ready to share things that are up in the air lest i jinx it
There are all these surprises that happen to me without my ever thinking they could happen… and i think it’s because i manifested them.
I’ve been going through some major changes in the past two years of my life,
and the motions were so difficult to swim through in the beginning.
It was like going against the tide and wondering if my intentions were for nil.
But something in me kept spurring me on and on… whether i wanted it to or not.
I didn’t like where i was in my career two years ago so i changed it.
I quit my very cushy advertising job that was throwing buckets of money at me to become a starving artist/struggling entrepreneur of sorts. It wasn’t easy cos i had to take a major pay cut. From an enviable position of thoughtlessly throwing money on endless holidays and impulsive shopping sprees, i suddenly had to cut back and flow all my earnings into my meagre company account i just started.
I didn’t like being tied down to a single agent who controlled my advertising, so i cut my contract.
As most in the industry know, i was working with one company exclusively for about five years to manage all the advertising that took place via my blog. There is no doubt we both aided each other in growing leaps and bounds, but i felt that it was time for me to fly solo. I didn’t want to obstruct myself from new opportunities i could envision myself revelling in, and long-term wise, i wanted to be able to handle my affairs independently.
I didn’t like how i felt so i changed myself, and the things around me.
Only my close friends know this, cos i would have never admitted it publicly before, but i was a very disturbed, stressed, angry and frustrated person last year. I didn’t know WHY i felt that way, and went through so many processes figuring it out. At first i thought it was a case of getting old (!!), then i thought it was my food, then my exercise, then the space i lived in, the people around me, then i went into MYSELF to figure what the HECK was going on. That was not a great phase in life but something i had to go through.
I found myself picking up books i was interested in to change myself… and realised i was lingering in the self-help section, and felt slightly despaired i’d ended up in THAT section that should not be named.
But you know what.
Everyone goes through different motions on how they handle their challenges in life.
I just knew that i didn’t want to wither and ACCEPT the way things were.
My life was already great, but for some stupid (i take that back, it’s not stupid, it’s just the way i am) reason, i wasn’t happy.
Happiness is my main goal. It’s my core value. I know it.
I listed down all the things that made me happy and worked towards it.
Relationships with my family and friends, movement and dance, prayer and meditation, self improvement and growth, career advancement, exploration and travel, health and exercise… and then the more physical stuff – toys, colour, books, fashion, money. A butler. I keep on thinking how i want a butler lately but i digress. But yes, all these things make me happy. In the end, we’re all spiritual beings having a physical experience. So why not make the most of my human experience man. Go all the way. A yacht, a ship with staff, an island, dream it big. Sometimes i daydream about all the things i will have.
The more i opened myself to the thought of change, small windows and gradually, bigger doors started opening. Mastering the flow of life is like mastering any new skill or art. It feels like pushing through quicksand in the beginning, then as you get the hang of it, you move a bit faster, then faster, then you’re trotting, then you’re doing a sprint now and then, and suddenly you feel like you’re running. You feel the wind on your face, the magic of movement on your cheeks. You feel like you can fly.
I am inspired by the fragility of life through the books i’ve read, the loss of lives i love, or the sheer brush with death that comes with the horrible C that some of my friends have been, or are, bravely battling.
There will always be darkness with light, ups with downs. I accept that, and i pray that i will be strong enough to take whatever comes my way.
This is just the start of my journey. I feel excited about LIFE. It’s been a long time since i felt this way, and i’m SO GRATEFUL that i feel this intense… JOY and POWER and LOVE and MAGIC in me. It just took me time to realise and harness it.
I just want you to know that you have the magic in you too.
You just need to realise it yourself, make the changes that need be, and watch carefully.
At the end of the day, the solution is LOVE.
Love yourself truly, and the Universe will love you so much more back.