Play this vid while you read the post cos the song is exactly how i’m feeling right now. (Don’t bother about watching the video, i didn’t even like the movie.)
Today is a special day for me.
For some reason, the numbers 11/111/1111 have been surrounding me since June last year.
I thought i was going crazy for a while, what with all these new thoughts in my head.
On the way i live my life, the way i am, the person i want to be.
But like a girlfriend and i said last night:
People think we are crazy now,
but actually, we were crazy before to think life had to be within certain confinements.
I’ve been learning how to break free even more from convention, and confinement of my own thoughts.
I’m learning how to TRULY enjoy my own company.
It’s not that i’ve never… i’ve always liked my solitude.
But i’m just RELISHING in it these days.
After constantly being surrounded by people i love since Christmas, i finally got some alone time last Friday night. I stayed in, kept off the alcohol and smokes, and played with my hula hoop for hours. It was so great i ended up sleeping at 5:30am.
When time switched past midnight on January 11th, i realised the significance of the date. I told Aps, who was next me then, and i was so happy that my special day began with me spending time with her. God i love that girl so much. We haven’t spent one-on-one time with each other for months. She followed me to the garden area, where we could play with the hula hoops together and just hang out under the night sky with our music playing.
In the middle of our catching up, i jolted upright and said, “Do you remember the last time we were here? Right here in this spot together?”
The last and only time we’d been in that very spot, was almost 7 months ago. We had an emergency meet up cos we were both going through the end and the beginning of our break ups. I was crying, she was crying, we were a mess.
And now… i’m so proud to see the changes we went through, and the better we came out for it.
I’ve learnt how to be so much happier. How to make myself happy. How to put myself first. Not to listen to what other people think. To live life the way i want and feel no guilt. God i am so happy. There are days when sadness leaks in for no apparent reason, and i figure that must just be the polarity of my emotions having to take place, so i allow the sadness to be in me, to feel it then let it go. I try my best not to stifle my anger/frustration/sadness by letting it flow through me. It always goes away after a few days, then the rest of the time i’m really happy.
I’m so glad Aps came over. We got to really catch up about the adventures we’ve been having,
the new things we’ve been learning,
amazing things happening,
people we’ve been meeting,
funny incidences taking place,
and work we’d been doing.
I love talking about work with people. I used to not be that kinda person, but now i love talking and sharing about what we’ve all been learning from our work.
KinkyBlueFairy turns 11 years old next month. 11 years! This has been the longest-standing THING that i’ve been able to hold on to for so long. I played so many roles in the past – photographer, marketing exec, fashion editor, digital strategist – most of them lasting 2-4 years. Blogging has been the only thing i’ve been able to consistently do and finally… i just realised that i AM a blogger. (I know… i took so long to admit to myself that i’m a BLOGGER cos some idiots out there give the term a bad name.)
So yeah, approaching my 11th year of blogging (i’m telling you, 1 has been my revolutionary number) i’m come to desire to change my format of blogging. Working on it. Things are moving faster at work cos Baby just joined us as manager. It’ll be so much better now i don’t have to manage the team and myself, she can help. Then i can focus back on my blogging and ALL THESE BACKLOGGED posts i need to get on pronto. It’s gonna be a great year.
So back to my special day! Aps hung out till about 3am, and i hung out by myself a bit more (can’t get enough of alone time now) till 5am and had to wake up at 11am (why do i do this to myself).
I went for a champagne brunch with Lexie at Shook, and felt a bit flu-ish when i woke up but it was too late to cancel. I really wanted to see her anyway, i had such a great week in the Philippines with her! We caught up, along with Sarah and Anu. I had 9 pieces of sashimi, soba, tako wasabi, the most tender beef brisket, lamb, carbonara pasta, fruits covered in strawberry chocolate from the choc fountain, 4 types of cake, jelly, and some caramel and apple mousse thing. I ate a lot. I ate so much i didn’t even have dinner and i don’t feel hungry (tho i might eat before i sleep :p).
The 11th also happens to be the first day i was single. I didn’t plan it… it just happened. Things were just moving toward that day for a while, and something in me changed on the 9th, which made me have to break up on the 10th of August. Now i have a lot more time to focus on myself, work, family and friendships.
Coincidentally, the new home i’m going to move into alone has the address of 111 (i don’t think it’s a coincidence, i think it’s meant to be. I felt RIGHT the moment i walked into that place.)
11:11pm just passed! And i spent it blogging! 😀
The day is coming to an end soon. OK i’m gonna go spend the rest of it playing with my hoop or something. TA!