Nobody tells you how many more hours you’d have to work
Or heartache you go through as you learn how to deal with people’s emotions as well as your own
Learning how to improve yourself, and everyone around you
Keeping a balance, a seemingly normal life while trying to juggle a dozen things at once
Utilizing every second and minute to be productive and efficient
Maintaining your cool when clashing occurs

Oh god i’m so tired!

I wonder why i do this all for
What is the point of all this again?

I flit between gratitude and insanity
Sometimes i feel like i’m so HAPPY that i get to do what i like, and grow with whom i choose to and how i choose to
Other times i feel like selling everything off and leaving to explore the world, or even worse, throwing myself off a building

I can see why depressed people in the workplace commit suicide…
and it’s scary to be in that mind frame to UNDERSTAND what someone else is going through
(Not that i want to commit suicide, don’t worry haha)

I wonder about my own goal… and what i want to achieve
The way i am is that i have so many, there are so many things i want to increase my knowledge in
Work (the work that pays money) has taken so much precedence over everything else lately, that i haven’t had time to spend on my hobbies or other topics i feel grow me greatly as a human being.

I just spent many hours today poring over numbers, both for clients as well as the company
and had to make decisions of where to cut things down that are not growing for us
and let the others that are flourishing continue
Numbers don’t lie, and i need to be pragmatic

The thing is i miss being more creative
I miss my hoop. I miss meditation and magic.
I miss taking photographs and writing.
I miss a lot of things!

Oh and my body… don’t even get me started on the dire situation on how i have a wonderful new pair of running shoes but only gone out ONCE in them. And that despite cutting down drinking, i still have a tummy. Why is it there, go away! The last time i went for Bodytone was 2 weeks ago and i totally miss it.

So many shifts are happening in me recently.
I’m doing some major restructuring with my work, and essentially my life
So i can be the person i want to be, for myself and all the people i love around me.

I feel like i fail people by not always being happy and chirpy
and i want to be that person who always spreads love
The only person who can change that, is me.

The second half of the year is just starting
and i’m gonna make sure it’s gonna be better than the first half.

It’s GONNA.

I GOT THIS.

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